I kept it a secret for many years but I have finally put it out in the open. Every single day of my life for at least the past 9 years I have considered taking my own life. I am back in therapy again despite doubting it's ability to help me given I was in it from ages 8-18(domestic violence survivor, emotional abuse, severe bullying, and depression). I'm currently struggling with my living in poverty status yet again, despite not knowing what it's like to live any other way(been on welfare nearly my whole life and currently relying on my unhappy marriage). I would love to have opportunities such as attending college or having a decent job but they have been placed from my reach. I am currently a SAHM. I love staying at home but it's a great burden to know that my daughter may also be caught in the same trap as I am some day. I recently found out I might not have diverticulitis but pelvic inflammatory disease which could compromise my ability to have more children. Yet another life dream to slip away, I've already given up on a singing career as I do not play an instrument (willing to learn) and I can't afford things like studio time or guitar/piano lesson, I gave up on college after being forced to drop out do to finances (always kept gpa 3.5 or above enjoyed activities such as band&choir, volunteered in preschool rooms still no scholarships, attended for early childhood education), I've given up on working because with lack of experience and degree employers just aren't interested. Working might also mean my family doesn't eat. The system is broke and I'm caught in it's cracks.