Stephen Commented on Stephen Ferguson's post:

I’m doing the best I can right now. I’m nowhere near perfect and I mess up with sin quite a bit, but hopefully God will have mercy on my soul and maybe He won’t send me to Hell if I can’t get free of some of these addictions. To be honest I don’t want them and if I could get free from Kratom and chewing tobacco then I would, but it’s hold on me is too powerful and no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to break it.

Also I’m not sure if God is necessarily saying no to my prayer requests. I just don’t think God can do some things but if He can then He’s limited in what He can do. For example my ultimate dream is to be united with my girlfriend, but her parents are extremely mean and hateful people and they despise me without a cause. God might only be able to help persuade a person to change but He cannot go beyond a person’s free will. So it might be that I’m going to have to wait for her mother and father to kick the bucket before we are together. I’ve never had anyone hate me as much I as these people have. They are extremely overprotective of her daughter and won’t let her live her own life. They treat her like a weak and helpless child and I am disgusted by it.

I just wish things could change for us. My girlfriend has a disability so she has to stay with them. We love each other very much and have been together for four and a half years now. You would think that her mom and dad would be convinced by now that I’m not leaving her. And she doesn’t want to leave me. Being in a long distance relationship is very hard but we have always pulled through for each other because we love each other very much. Unless her parents stop hating me then my dream is out of my reach and we are both stuck. It’s disappointing but I would not want to have anyone else as the love of my life because she’s that important to me.


I've come to the conclusion that it's possible that I might die an early death. There is no telling what kind of damage I've done to my body by lack of sleep, chewing tobacco, and Kratom. I guess there comes a point in every Christian's life when they realize that death could come take them at any moment. Therefore I've decided to seek a deeper relationship with God and study the bible more. I'm thinking of also engaging more in worship. I am in fear for my life and I have no idea when death might come and take me. It could be today, tomorrow, or ten years from now. I don't know but I want to live the most righteous life as possible to be pleasing to Jesus and not find myself sinning. I'm 35 years old now and I'm starting to get up there in age. Who knows when the angel of death may come for me.

I've been frustrated towards God towards a lot of things. I've mainly been pretty mad with Him and I guess I was rebelling a bit towards Him because I couldn't figure out why He was making me go through so many trials. It didn't seem fair to be in the situation that I'm in and it felt terrible to go through so much torment and agony over something I've been praying for within the past four and a half years and not seeing any results. I mean even after sending in 683 prayer requests to various churches and Christian organizations on a Google search I found it to be very discouraging not to see my dream coming closer to being a reality. It's been a major bummer but I'm not going to let this torture me any longer. It may be true that I'm not within the reach of my number one ultimate dream for my life, but I'm not going to let this separate me from God any further.

Therefore I give thanks to God that He has opened my eyes and has been working with me to bring about His purpose for my life. For a while I was starting to question whether He existed or not. However I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He does exist and is alive and well within the realms of eternity. I'm going to try and be a better child of God and do my best to live according to His purpose for my life. That's all I wanted to say. Thank you for listening.