Jeez, I can't imagine what that must be like to experience the pain you've been going through. I've only asked like three women out to be in a relationship in my life, got rejected by all three, and on the fourth girl I met she asked me out and we've been in a relationship for four years now staying completely loyal to each other.

Listen, I'm sorry you're going through this. I do pray for you in Jesus' name that God would send the right person to you. Have the faith and believe that God will hook you up with the right person, and don't rely too much on your own efforts to find the right person. Have the Holy Spirit lead you into which person you feel in your gut is "the one." For my girlfriend Ivy and I, we both sort of knew that we were the perfect match for each other. You'll notice it when your chemistry lines up almost perfectly. I believe God has someone especially in mind for every Christian on the planet. It's just going to be a matter of you putting your trust in Him to get you through it.

Also, I understand you on the fear of rejection thing. I was kicked out of a church in 2013 and NEVER healed from it. I had gotten ministered at a Deliverance Ministry in Oklahoma City and that didn't even come close to working. I've been so traumatized by that rejection I faced (all because I went temporarily insane and said some crazy things to the pastor and for that he didn't like it so he kicked me out) that I haven't been able to attend church for over nine years now. Annnnnnd I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to go back, unless my girlfriend and I get married and united out of this long distance relationship, then I'll go with her because I love her and know she would like it. That and I wouldn't feel awkward going into a church alone.

But yeah, like I said.... I know the pain you're talking about. The fear paralyzes you so I can relate.

How did your son die?

Good point Deborah. (That's a pretty cool name by the way.) I just... don't want to be viewed by other people negatively. And yes, I have asked for forgiveness of my sins in the past. I've been delivered from what once held me captive. I just want to be accepted now.

Right. I don't know why God sees the need to put me through a test, but I'm not giving up. I'll keep sending in prayer requests to Christian organizations I find on Google until I'm blue in the face. I'll do my best to pray that this becomes a reality, and then hopefully one day I'll be stopped being judged by the people who have judged me recently. :/

I'll tell you my situation: My girlfriend's parents are super mean and hateful people. I've been trying to get them to accept me for a long time now. My girlfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for four years strong now, and she has a disability to where she has to live with her parents and have them support her. A couple of years ago when Ivy and I were extremely passionate with one another, we did something we shouldn't have: We exchanged dirty photos, which I regret to this day. Ivy accidentally sent one over to her Dad and he and her Mom found out. Now they think I'm a pervert! They've judged me and it appears they won't even give a chance to get to know me! I've sent in FIVE HUNDRED ONE prayer requests on a Google search to various churches and Christians organizations in order to try to move things forward.

Listen, I don't like being judged by someone else as someone that I'm not. I am not a pervert, not a piece of garbage, and I'm sure as heck not some kind of monster. I have been praying so hard into this and I'm praying that they can turn around and be nice people, giving me a chance. I cannot stand the thought of them being out there and forming opinions of me that aren't even true.

I know it's going to take time, but still.... I can't live with this level of rejection. I was traumatized by it when I was only four years old by being rejected by someone I tried to befriend in kindergarten. It scarred me for life. That and I got kicked out of a church in 2013 and being judged by the pastor because I had a mental breakdown, was acting weird and they didn't like it, so they threw me out forbidding me to ever come back. I never healed from that and have been ministered to on the issue. Nothing's helped.

So yeah, I just want my prayers to be answered. I just don't want to deal with this pain anymore of being ostracized. :(

It's very hard though Elaine. I swear that sometimes it feels like I'm going crazy not knowing how things are supposed to work out with me and my girlfriend with this long distance relationship. It's too much for me to handle sometimes. The only thing I can do is to continue sending prayer requests to various churches and Christian organizations I find on Google. There's not much else I can do except have the faith that things are going to work out, but sometimes that's really hard to when I don't see any possible outcomes coming my way. :/