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ChristiAna
ChristiAna Crabill
ChristiAna

Prayer Request

For God to answer my prayers of provision, strength to overcome my physical and emotional and mental illnesses, to find a job that I can do and feel fulfilled by, to have peace of mind and heart, to heal my life from the pain others have caused me in the past, to be able to afford my rent and not be threatened with eviction again, to find help in affording the dental work I need on my broken and infected tooth that has been causing me severe pain and making it difficult to eat but will cost $500 that I just don't have the money to fix, for providing food for my disabled mother and I who have been living on food stamps that were suddenly cut off. I have been ill recently and just got out of the hospital last Saturday after my stomach was hurting and I had lost over 11 pounds in 10 days and not eating, feeling weak and sick and stressed. Please Lord help provide us with the rent that is due on the 1st of September so we don't get another eviction notice. Lord my 35th birthday is on September 17th and I am so depressed and feeling like I'm a mistake and I am not worth celebrating. My life has been one pain and disappointment after another. I feel so lost and forsaken. Please Lord, I know others have it much worse than I do, but I'm suffering and I've been struggling for such a long time. I know that you're not a vending machine but if there's anything you can do to help me and let your presence be known so that I don't feel like I'm alone, please help me see you more clearly Lord. Amen.

ChristiAna

Prayer Request

Things are not going well in my family. My Grandmother has been moved out of our family home and into a nursing home by an intrusive relative who slanders us by accusing us of elder abuse. This relative is also trying to get us evicted from our home, the home I've lived in for 22 years of my life, and bring all kinds of horrible legal accusations against us. I feel like we are under spiritual, verbal, and physical attack by this person, who is mean and vindictive. Now that my Grandmother has been forcibly taken away from me and locked up (I'm not even allowed to visit the facility she's in or call her), I can't afford to pay for my healthcare insurance as I have many physical problems and can only work part time, Grandma was paying for it out of the goodness of her heart as she couldn't stand to see me suffering. But it's not just about the money, it's about my well-being, the well-being of my Grandmother who is being taken advantage of in her fragile mental state by this "family member", being slandered and attacked by this horrible person who has come into our lives only to seek and destroy all that we possess, which isn't much. We never abused my Grandmother, we supported her in her old age (physically, mentally, spiritually) since my Grandfather's passing 10 years ago, as much as she helped supported us financially. It isn't fair what's being done to us. We are suffering under the hand of a cruel and heartless person who will do everything she can to destroy our family and hurt us without a second thought.

ChristiAna

Prayer Request

I have been recovering from a spinal procedure done on my neck about a month ago this week. It did not go as planned, two days in the hospital was not enough prep for all the pain and anxiety I had post-surgical. My doctor wanted me transferred to ICU after 5.5 hours of intense surgery to repair 2-3 levels of my neck/spinal column that had basically herniated and the discs were collapsing on top of each other, causing intense pain, blackouts from pinched nerves, and an unavailability to work a full time job because of my issues with lifting, bending, stretching. I had so much trouble finding a doctor and hospital willing to do the surgery because of insurance snafu's. I got really frustrated. BUT I FINALLY found a doctor and hospital at the beginning of October that were within my insurance and was in surgery by October 19th. I had to spend five days total in the hospital, but I got agitated because I was left in recovery on an uncomfortable gurney, in a place with really loud noises and bright lights that caused a setback waiting another 6 hours post-op for an ICU room to open up...it just was not a smooth transition. It was made worse because I also suffer from arthritis, chronic pain conditions, and deal with a lot of taking care of my Grandma and Mom at home, despite my need for care as well..so I needed extra time at the hospital to prepare myself for being home and still seeing to everyone else's needs even though my doctor was a bit brusque about not giving me the time I personally needed to feel stable, he said "Take all the time you need, but two days post surgical, had already pulled my IV meds without my consent or approval as if I felt physically ready yet. That transition was not smooth as well. At home, I've been doing way more than I should have, but I'm so anxious about my family falling apart around me, I'm sort of the scapegoat, packmule, and glue to keep my family together. I even had to on a 5 day search around my neighborhood to try to find my Mom's lost cat, while still wearing my neck brace, because my brother left the front door hanging open while he went away on a five day camping trip..directly during my time of need, causing more stress on me to find our cat myself with no help and pulling my neck out of line trying to search under cars and in the garage and kneel under cars. My Grandma is paying a lot of money to keep my insurance going so I could finally get the care I need, so I feel like I owe it to still "make myself useful" around here as my Mom puts it. My brother, who is older and unemployed and lives at home as well barely does anything to help out and and has to make comments to me in passing about "hanging on my cross" and faking for attention and doesn't care about anyone but himself, but my Mom doesn't do anything to help. She just says, "Work it out between yourselves." which usually ends in more stress. I try to avoid him as much as possible but he seeks to attack at me because I'm weak. I never even got so much as a "get well" card or an offer to help out. I've been doing heavy lifting and laundry and dishes and pushing myself way past where I should be less than a month out, but I also feel like my family resents me for taking downtime and needing a day to just shut myself away and sleep or hide from them. I get nasty notes taped to my door as well. It's just like I was anticipating that was going to happen when I came home. My former religious group kicked me out for being too much of an "attention whore" and only a few people actually came to see me in the hospital or even send me a message. After fighting and suffering for so long though, I needed this for me. I couldn't go on with such chronic pain in my neck and not being able to even lift a jug of milk because of weakness in my shoulder and arm stemming from the neck discs. I'm not out of the woods yet, still might have to do physical therapy, but it had been a long time coming and I'm hoping to take steps forward to the next phase in my life, where I feel like I've been stagnate and frustrated with my lack of progress finding a job since college and all my family health issues as well. I felt like Atlas literally holding the world on my shoulders and fading everyday to try to keep things up for everyone else. I know this isn't the utmost issue with all the war and turmoil in the world, but I've been really struggling to keep faith with God and feel like he really care for me in the grand scheme of things when I felt like my sleepless nights and emotional outbursts from frustration of people who don't understand what it is like to have a chronic illness, depression, anxiety didn't matter to anyone. I just need to feel stable for once, like I don't have to go to sleep at night tossing and turning and worrying about everything and everyone. I just need to know someone "understands" me or won't send me hateful messages. I need strength, support, and hope that things will get better, FINALLY. I want to work and support myself and hopefully move out, so if and when my discs heal fuse as they're supposed to and I can go back on my arthritis medications, maybe my life won't feel so overwhelming and I won't have to rely so heavily on RX anxiety meds to keep me stable. The only plus side is, my on again/ off again. longtime strained relationship with my father might have a chance to mend as well, as I notified my Aunt of the surgery and she told my Dad and he actually showed up...on his own accord to the hospital at 6am in the morning right before my surgery and offered to help stay with my for certain times of the day and night for extra support since my Mom is unreliable and deals with a lot of health issues. I thought my Dad would be angry and aggressive as usual, say and do all the things he's done in the past to keep our relationship at a distance and make me more uncomfortable, but he was actually acting like a decent human being for once...so I'm trying to be willing to opening up my heart after being hurt so many times, about trying, yet again, to repair a nearly 20 year strained relationship with him. But one time does not make him a saint, so I'm guarded about history repeating. I appreciate him being there, completely unasked or unexpected, but old habits are hard to break. I don't want to let him back in but I struggle with forgiveness and some horrible things that happened to me as a child that haven't come out until just now. Abuse, neglect, family secrets I can't keep buried inside anymore. Like Elsa, I'm just trying to "Let It Go." easier said than done. Just a lot of family stress, body strain, and mental and physical unrest. News of the attacks around the world make me feel unsafe and uneasy as well. I'm taking too much on, heart, soul, and body and I just feel drained, going from one day to the next, same ol' same ol', are my needs even meaningful in the grand scheme of things or am I really just an "attention whore" as people say. I try and try and try to make everyone else around me happy but feel I got nothing in return, I just have to buck up and deal with it alone. The more I do type my feelings out, I feel like I really am just not worth it and people have it so much worse, but this has been my struggle ever since graduation from college in 09 and struggling to make anything of my life. It feels like I'm not meant to amount to anything. The harder I fight, the worse things get. I just got a letter back from my Dad after one I wrote to him last week, but thanking him for stepping up and actually being the Father I wanted all these years. 20 some odd years later..if he's really willing to work things out and make amends on his end. Sorry if this is so long winded, I just need someone to talk to/vent. Please Lord, help me feel not so burdened and be a burden for others..