As I feel like I'm stepping backwards again, even though I know things will be better in the future, I can't help but feel the dark cloud moving back over me that I've been trying to shake the past few months. A failed marriage and a failed relationship both this year, and now in one week I'm having yet another layoff from work (5th in less than 10 years) as the contract work I'm doing is ending, the two year planned followup project never happened, and nothing new on the horizon. Last year at this time I was hired just in time after a 10 month work lapse, wife moving out, and reaching the last bits of funds left on credit cards to survive with. Now I see this happening again, only women in my life are already gone, other than some minor talks, and the finances have slumped as more expenses came into my lap over the months and I now need to pay all debts and expenses from my single income. With my CCs still at a stretch, I'm concerned what will happen in the next few weeks once I walk out of the office one last time. I have some other personal projects on the table, but until they spin up, they cannot support me. I pray to be able to make ends meet and have that financial confidence back that I had when I found this job last year (which was a raise from any in the past and now really cannot afford a pay cut), as well as the strength to keep working on myself to grow as a person and make it through those stumbles of loneliness and sadness when I miss my wife or the friend I started seeing for a short time. In my other layoffs, my wife was still there to look forward to having in my life despite her complaints of me not working. This will be the first time going into this abyss completely alone.
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