Hello Diane, I can relate so much to what you're going through because I am going through the same thing right now, but I have to admit it has gotten a little bit better/manageable as we approach our 3rd yr of being like this. It's definitely not easy and I too sometimes feel like just walking away. It takes a lot of grace, sacrifice, patience, love and understanding to let go of anger, fear, sadness, resentment, bitterness, fault finding, and keeping score of wrong doings that has accumulated and never been fully resolved or addressed because my husband is the same way that he doesn't talk about serious things. Right now I am at the point of just surrendering, not expecting anything and just being neutral about everything, caring but not really caring if he works out right after coming home from work, eats dinner, drinks beer and just falls asleep on the couch. It has been so long that I've been carrying this heavy load on my heart and soul that I've neglected taking care of myself, I just kept going until finally the effects really of all this manifested physically and I can no longer ignore it.
My thinking always is if I was able to work full time and stay awake and take care of my 1st child and everything at home before when I was a single mom, then for sure he can at least help me with one thing at home right?
I do not have the answers on what to do about the situation that we find ourselves in because in a lot of ways I am still lost as well (and still a bit bitter), but what I must say to you is to not forget about yourself, don't skip meals, get some sleep, brush your teeth, go outside, etc.,do something simple that you enjoy because you are all you have, and as wives and mothers we have a very crucial and important job in the family, we are the glue that holds everyone and everything together. Anybody can provide food or money and etc but not everybody can take care of a family and be a mother. Take care of yourself and keep resentment at bay, because once you've exhausted yourself it's so easy to lose sight of what and who you love and value (even your kids)
Also, love is always the key, in love we can overlook and accept faults just like how God loves us eventhough we are sinners. I struggle greatly with this because through the years I feel like I've lost or exhausted my love for him so please I hope you will hold on to the love that you have for your husband and keep it alive, don't let your heart harden like mine.
But most importantly, look up to God always and not hover too much on the problem ,remember that He created the universe so there's no problem too big or small that He can't fix. Sometimes we expect too much from other people (at least I do) but not realizing our own shortcomings, I find it liberating now to not hold him or anybody else accountable/responsible for my happiness or self worth and etc because no one can do that so go to God for the only true source of love, comfort, peace and joy that only He can truly give.
I am praying for you Diane and for all the wives (or husbands) out there that are going through the very same thing, it's comforting to know that you are not alone. Stay strong take care keep hope, faith and love alive. =)