Lucy, what I can offer is things that the Bible tells us, God tells us for such a HARD time in your life right now. My walk has not been smooth but very rocky, and God has always been there, not in my time but His which is never a second to soon! Read Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commended you? Be strong and courageous. Do Not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." & Mark 5:36 "But overhearing what they said, Jesus said to the ruler of the synagogue, "Do not fear, only BELIEVE." & Isaiah 26:3 "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you." Lucy, In you mind's eye, imagine reaching up to grab hold of our Papa God's Big Ole Hand and don't turn loose. He will walk with you through this hard time and help you get through it. YOU MUST TRUST AND BELIEVE! I've had to and I'm here to tell you about it, so you must put feelings aside and trust your heart to GOD.