Way back of mylife i was a happy and curious little girl,my mother died as i was 9 years old i dont understand why are the other people or the family and relatives are crying as for me i cry because they do.but i dont have the feeling of sad or what.the life continue in a huase there is no one family anymore me and my brother w/c 4-5 years old at the time and my father is the only person in our house.my two older sister they are not there one go to cebu and go to catholic school for free.and long time we dont see or hear each other.my other sister stayed in the house of our anty.the older sister of our father,even though thats what happen i still dont feel any lonely or what,as i know i am there and its ok as i grow up i needed the simple thing as a girl but i cannot have it because my father dont have a good job.and he also not trying his self for me and my brother to have a good comfort.all or almost people around the plays says he is an erresponsable father.but i still dont feel anything.i did what i can doing household and taking care of my brother.then as i remember i was 2nd year high school then i cannot and made me sad that even 18 pesos i cannot take the exam because my father dont give me he says he dont have money but i see him sometimes with other people drinking alcohol.and anyway my father is most of the time drunk.he always drink.anyway so i did go away from our house and go to the brother of my mother for 2-3 months i dont feel ok because i always think of my little brother and in the house of my uncle we are more people and cousins of me and you know when you stay in other house need to do the work.that i did but i cannot take it anymore and i go back to my father and say sory i was crying and always sory for what i did.the next day the neighbor and my antys i heard them talking about me its not nice words but i just cry in silence.anway the siblings of my father is just near in our house but they dont have the heart to help me and my brother in any other way when they do help i need to do household for them,what makes me feel so sad is they are nice to other people whos not blood related than us.i just say its ok,thats always my words to my self THATS OKEY:then i decided to work as baby sitter ofcourse its not easy for couse i always think of my brother.but i say to myself what will happen to me when i dont go away from here everyday is like a strom for me i feel pain and anger of so many reasons.so i work and go to scholl at the same time.working student i did.in gods grace my boss is nice and they care for me.i am ok but i cannot hide myself being sad.always thinking my brother.but again i say thats okey.years pass i am done with highschool i go back home but still the people aroung keep pushing me in my limit.they talk against me or say somthing that is not nice to hear.still i say thats okey.and i decided to go back to my boss again.and stay there for many many years.one time before i sleep question pop in my mind when will i have a boyfriend ?and i say i dont know i just dont know i was 19years old that time.one day i know these guy and we become gf.and bf.we been for 1 year and 5 monhts in relationship he is cristian born again he is nice and a good person.in these years and long time relationship with him i never give myself to him (no sex) but i do love him much as he does to me i guess.he is my fristlove.but for him i am already the number 6 gf that he has.he tell me the other past relation that he hast last only 1 or 2 months.i am happy and he is too.but i think we are not for each other because we do apart ourself.we break up for heavy reason in his side.because i am just a helper or i am poor.and his family cant accept me.again i say thats okey.but i feel all the pain and thats the first time i say that not all god fearing or nice or cristian people will not hurt you and give you chance.i did knell on him asking not to break me because i cannot hold the pain.but he push me and said anything he do but his family dont like me .and i say that time ok but i was crying like thats my last life on earth because of the pain.so days pass i say im ok and trying to hold myself again.but the thing is i see him with other girl not 1 week after we break up.i say what!!!!how can he say i love you to his new girl .and at the time i think and put in myself that there is person like that.one night i feel very heavy and ask help in prayer as i open my bible i came into these words that says i will not be surprise for what happen in my life because its already written.(i dont remember what vers in the bible is that words.) and i cry so hard in silince and bite a pillow so no body hears me.and i say i have nothing to tell and share my sadness because i dont have a mother,at the time i really need my mother and i ask god even just for a while.i cry all what i have and i feel like someone is hugging me tight around my shoulder i feel that i am covereed with a big person hugged me.and after that i feel very light and like a new me.years pass i join the so called website dating and yah many different people i talk to.many who got interested in me and me i just talk to them and listen to them and one man.from germany same age as me and nice and good person is now my husband.god give me so much as i needed.i am just asking and saying to him after my first love .lord i hope next time when you give me a man.he would be nice and not hurt me.but he give me more young.good looking.good person and the family of my husband too they are all good to me.and now we have our little sunshine our son.2 years old.anyway i study the langguage and take the kurs and i did pass i say oh god when i pass this then is this already i just lean to him all what happen and yes its in the flow.i get the fiance visa and get marred last 2011 and we have our son 2014.until now my life continue,so many strugles with friends and relatives and people who jugde me aroung.but i say thats okey i know i didnot do anything bad to them.and i know what is true about the leis they spread.and i say for myself god you do the rest i am sory that i have to many feelings that its not soppostobe feel.witgh friends i feel and think they dont accept me for what and for who i am,and thats okey with me i am 100% ok with no them,god is with me and i am happy and what others think about me i just say thats okey let them say so.(thank you everyone who read mystory,i hope inspired you in other way or in a little way.again thank you and may we all be bless)have a good day ahead.=)