The pain of a lifetime of rejection and abandonment has left me numb and hopeless., My mother has wounded me from my birth. Ive had three dads, the first was abusive and controlling, cut off from me, and spent most of my life far away from me in his own turmoil. The second I loved dearly but he left me never to look back. The third I will not state because its too much and too painful. My parents took my daughter and tricked me , cut me off from her and my husband told me he didnt want to be a dad or husband and left me on my own. I know I have been wrong but mostly in vain attempts to please my mom and then escaping the pain of rejection through unhealthy relationships and drugs . Never able to be there for me in the hardest times of my life, triangulating my family members against me. My overly religious obsessive dad who cant let go of my mom who has never wanted anything to do with him and taking out her anger on me, and having to live with the pain of my dad being separated from me most of my life and his grandchildren and I can do nothing about it. All of it has caused me to have no roots, no foundation. I have ruined my life trying to find love from people who cannot love me. But I know I am loveable. I have gone to church to find healing only to find judgement and shunning for something that happened to me years ago and I have been blamed. I can trust no man and I seem to attract men who use me and hurt me. I told my mother I have cancer and she blankly told me that people get cancer all the time. I can't understand it why God has allowed this pain . The only person who loved and cared for me in my life I had stability with was my grandma and my mother caused divisions between us. I am empty and feel lost. Tell me where is my lesson what am I supposed to learn. What am I supposed to bellieve in.
Comment
1
