hi Susan ..pls dont blame yourself ..its no ones fault ..it would have happened anyways ..we can not stop what is meant to happen to us or the loved ones... i understand what is like to lose your mother my mum passed away 9 years ego from cancer i watched her die ..people say time heals but thats not true time forces you to accept the situation and keep moving on .. one day you will see your mum as Jesus promised us ..never lose hope ... I pray that the Lord gives you and your son peace and strength to help you keep going and to never lose faith ..<3