I can't get what I need to function and hide that I'm not ok. Please pray God will allow me to have access to it. I've prayed for healing but its been 20 years and still my depression has only gotten worse. I'm trying not to panic. As I am, I can't function in this world. I'm too shy, too sensitive, too different, I'm good with words except when it comes to what I need because I don't fully know and I can't word it or recieve it because I feel so unworthy. I really really really really really don't want to be here anymore. I'm a burden to everyone that knows me and I've wanted to die for a long time now. I'm addicted to a drug because my psych meds weren't doing it and I was tired of trying different ones only for them not to work. I want to give up. This is too much and I can't face it. It will consume me. This sadness is neverending. It never ends. All there is is pain. I wait for God to console me but He never does. I can't explain how this isn't me feeling sorry for myself. Bad things happen, I learn, I get it. This is a continual bad feeling apart from thoughts even. I feel sad oppressive sorrow. I can't do this it is too much to bear. I hate that I was made. God set me up to fail. I can't do this anymore. I can't live in this world and clearly heaven won't take me in. Why won't this pain leave me. I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown. I can't handle this and I'm alone. I can't do this anymore and I've cried out to God so many times and it never changes. Never. Please please please please please please please pray God ends my life. I can't do this. It's too much. It's more than I can stand.

No one wants me here. I irritate everyone and I suck at everything. Please pray God kills me. I don't want to be here if people tell me they don't want me to be here. I wish God would have mercy on me. I can't put into words what I need and people hate me for it. Please pray God would take me away or erase me and end my pain. No one wants me here. I don't want to be here because people don't like me. Please pray God would have mercy and end my life quickly so I don't bother anyone anymore.

Please pray God would comfort me and take away this unbearable depression I've had the past 20 years. Nothing helps it. No therapy, no medications, I've prayed about it. I'm on medication that if I stop taking it I'll just go through withdrawal. On top of the withdrawal I'm going through from drugs (I started to use to cope because the depression wasn't getting any better and I'm trying to stay here and not kill myself.) The depression from the drug withdrawal on top of the depression I already have is unbearable. I am tired of feeling only sad no matter what. I am tired of praying and not getting answers. I'm tired of being misunderstood. I'm tired of not being able to express what is really wrong because I don't know the cause and I don't know what I need. I'm sick of this pain. It's interfering with my ability to think. Please pray God ends my life. I don't want to kill myself. I can't bear living when all there is is pain. That is all there is pain. That is all there ever was. I feel like God won't help me open my heart and save me despite my pleas. It's so hard not to end my life. I'm tired of existing. Please pray God has mercy and ends my life. I don't even care if that means I stop existing period. I just want and need this pain to end.

Thankyou to everyone who prays for me. I truely appreciate it. I probably wouldn't still be here today if you didn't. Please pray God would clear my mind and open my heart. I don't know what I need or how to ask for it. I just need this pain to end. I'm afraid if I get sober while I already have chronic preexisting depression that it will swallow me up completely. I know I won't make it out of it alive and I'm dreading facing something I will inevitably have to. I've tried to run from this pain. I've tried to sit with it. It never leaves and I'm afraid it will be so intense it will literally kill me or mentally destroy me or at least my sanity. I feel so lost and terrified. I feel like I'm heading to slaughter with no stopping it. Please pray God will make this disappear. Please pray God would have mercy on me and not let me be destroyed or take my life if it gets too bad.

Please pray for me. I am really feeling to urge to give up. I have struggled with depression and anxiety for 20 years now and nothing really helps. No medicine or therapy or anything really makes a difference. I have prayed to God but my prayers never seem to get answered. I feel like there is no end to this. I know I can't do another 20 years barely hanging on. Along with an addiction, I am tired of everything. I am tired of life and overwhelmed about fixing it. I don't trust anyone. I can't open up because I've been burned so many times in the past. God doesn't answer my prayers even though I have prayed and cried out to Him almost every night. I don't know if He even cares or hears me. I need to be heard and understood. I don't feel either. I don't want to end my life but this is too much to handle and God won't respond to me no matter how much I cry or pray or anything. I'm losing the will to fight this anymore. God doesn't care so I don't have a chance. I'm trying to hold on in case He does care but it's getting to be too much work to even hope anymore. I feel I'm being crushed to death and I can't breathe.

Thankyou to everyone who prays for me. I pray God richly blesses you. I'm struggling with a drug addiction and untreatable depression I've had 20 years now. I'm trying to heal myself and in the process, I discovered something that may or may not have happened. Everything lines up that it did happen but I don't remember and I really don't want to. It would explain the progressive downward spiral of my life. I have no one to talk to about this and I'm trying to figure out if it is worth even mentioning if I'm not sure if it happened or not. I think my father molested me when I was really little. I'm not positive, but everything lines up. I don't know what to do with this on top of everything else. I can't take this this is too much what am I supposed to do with this information? I feel more alone than ever. I feel like I'm about to break. I'm about to lose my job because I keep arriving late because I know on a certain level, I feel like I'm a bad person for working where I do with this addiction I have. I'm so ashamed but I think people are starting to realize and I wish they would just let me go then. I asked the person I got it from if he thought I was a bad person because of this and he said he didn't want to answer. So, I'm a bad person. I hate who I am but I'm too cowardly and selfish and care what people think too much to get help. I just want to die. I wish all these issues would just bury me because I can't carry these burdens anymore. I really can't. It hurts to be awake. I can't handle this. It's too much and I'm too ashamed of what I've become to reach out.

Im in a really dark place mentally. I have tried everything. Clinical depression has been with me the past 20 years of my life and its just getting worse. I got into drugs to alleviate the pain but now I can't afford it anymore. I can't afford to get sober mentally it will be too much. I know people say that there is help for people with depression and I've gone to see different people throughtout the years. No medicine, no therapy, no therapist really helped me. I've prayed this whole time I've struggled with this depression. This has been more than I can handle for a while now. I cry out to God to be ignored. I can't do this. I can't pretend or fake being ok any longer. I don't want to upset my family with how bad it really is. People say it gets better but it hasn't gotten any better for me. I've waited so long on God to rescue me or help me or anything. I'm feeling I have no choice but to give up and end my life. I don't have a plan or anything yet. I tried to stay here as long as I could. I'm realizing if God were to save me and rescue me, He would have done it already. Please pray for me. I feel the strong urge to just stop reaching out and go far away and die quietly. I feel the urge to just do it already seeing as eventually that is what will probably happen. I don't want to end my life. I don't want this to be how everything ends but people say it will get better but for me, it never has. Its been over 20 years and its only gotten worse. Please pray God would show me mercy and kill me tonight. I don't know how much longer I can resist the urge. I love God and my family and I hate that this is how it will end for me but I can't handle this feeling I have sorrow and heaviness in my heart every second every day of my life no matter what is happening around me. I can barely function and I have to get high to function and maintain somewhat of a "normal" mood. I can't do this. I can't hide this. I can't face this. My depression is endless. I tried to face it and I cried for a month and I still could have cried the rest of my life with sorrow left over. I'm lost. There is no comfort and nowhere I can turn. It's over.

I have waited in pain my entire life and sought God all the time and gotten no relief and Yet I still believed in His goodness until recently. I hate that God made me to ignore me. I wish God never made me. It was a mistake I was ever made because all God wants and ever wanted was to damn me. God isn't love. I've waited for that love over 20 years. Where is that love? nowhere. There is no love in God. God isn't there He doesn't care. He's cruel to have made me. There is no mercy in You, God. Think of my mother before you make me wait too much longer. It would destroy her. Think of that. I believed and God, you deny me always. Fine, I will be the worst person from now till I die. YOu don't want to love me and heal me after I've been nothing but good to you and other people? Fine. YOu don't love me. That hurts and now I have to be bad because YOu're always going to deny me. You betrayed me. YOu betrayed me you betrayed me There is no love in you. All i did was love you and wait for you for nothing why don't you at leaast admit you set me up to fail? But you won't because apparently I deserve nothing. I hate you for making me and watcching me suffer you are not just in no way you're aren't just you have no mercy you aren't just I believed in you for such a long time.

Please pray for me. Thankyou so much. I'm in a really bad place mentally right now. I have a problem so big I can't face it alone. Facing it would mean facing all my fears. Particularly abandonment and shame from childhood. Everyone would know about it and judge me. I am afraid I will be humiliated. I won't be able to recover mentally because I already have clinical depression that is not responsivve to anything. Withdrawal from this addiction would leave more depressed on top of my preexisting depression and I'm afraid I won't make it....I've been trying not to think about it because I trusted God before and He didn't come through. I had more faith at the time. I feel like there is nothing no way out of this, like my depression is too deep. I have had it 20 years now when is enough enough. Why why why won't God help me???I feel like God is going to let me hurt to the point of taking my life. Why doesn't He help me? I have tried to do everything right. Where are You God? What did I do to make You leave me this way? Why don't you love me when I love you? Why don't You stop my pain? When will this end? Why are you allowing this to consume me? I only got into what I'm stuck in now because I felt so bad and you didn't respond to me like You never respond You never respond You never respond Why don't you ever respond?????Do you care? Why did you make me to allow me to succumb to this? Why did YOu allow this to happen? God don't you love me? I thought YOu love everyone? I will not make it through this without you. I didn't want to do what I started to do and now it's life or death to depend on it because I tried to get sober but I never felt you only more depressed. I can't handle this. I'm tired of bearing this burden. Where are YOu where are you where are you where are you where are you why don't you answer? You never answer you never answered my prayers why do you ignore me ever since I was little. I can't handle this and you said in 1 Corinthians 10:13 that we would not be given more than we could handle. Why would You lie to me? I know it says in Numbers that God is not a man that He should lie, but You are allowing me to suffer beyond what I can take. You know how many times I have wanted to take my life? Every single day since I was 12! I'm 35 now. I hate you for hurting me and lying to me. All you do is lie to me and I've been hanging on to life because I'm afraid of hell. You aren't just. You aren't fair. You aren't good. You set me up to fail. Where is Your mercy where is your justice. THere is no such thing as God or Jesus. There is no such thing as a miracle. All of it is a lie. It has to be. There are no such things as miracles. I waited in belief. YOu rejected me God and I love you why do you hurt me you are the opposite of love and I waited my whole life for you to care but I'm not good enough for you.

God betrayed me and it hurts more each day. He doesn't answer my 1 prayer from 20 years now to take my depression away. It got to be more than I could handle and despite prayers and tears and seeking Him, God ignored me and didn't take my pain. I felt the urge to commit suicide and started to use to help me stay here. Now I'm in a disaster of a situation. God never answered my 1 prayer so I'm struggling to trust Him now since He never said so much as anything to me. How can I have a good attitude in the wilderness if I was born in the wilderness. I have never seen answered prayer in my life. How could I believe? Ever since I was little, I loved God and wanted to make Him happy and love and help people and this is how I'm treated? I feel like I should have been a terrible person and ruined peoples lives and God would have been nicer to me. I feel betrayed and beyond hurt. He is not just. He is not good. He never answered my prayers and set me up to die in this wilderness. He never planned on rescuing me. God, You broke me beyond repair. I don't understand why You hurt me beyond what I can bear despite what You say it won't be more than I can take. Well, it is more than anyone can take. You aren't just to me and maybe I should start warning people not to obey You if this is how You show love to those who love You. By damning them?