Guest
Flossy

Prayer Request

Please pray for me. Growing up, I "earned" love based on what I did or didn't do. This made me feel like I have to do something in order to recieve love. I struggle with being able to recieve God's free gift or salvation because I feel so unworthy. I have prayed about it and I still don't feel saved. I want to have the faith in my salvation I recieved from Jesus dying for me that everyone else has. I worry that since I don't feel this confidence, maybe I'm not saved? I worry that Im offending God by my struggle to recieve this free gift even though I want to. I try to recieve it but I don't know how and no matter what I try, I still don't feel saved. It seems to come so easily for other people to accept their salvation it makes me wonder if God ever meant to save me. If He didn't then all this time I spent resisting the urge to take my life and battle depression has been in vain. I've had clinical depression over 20 years and nothing really helps it it has only gotten worse. I choose to stay here because I fear God and I am afraid of hell but if I am unable to recieve salvation even though I really really want to and try to, was all my efforts to stay here and resist temptation to take my life in vain? I stay here in the hopes that I will be with God some day but I don't feel saved and it's really getting to me to the point that I wonder if I was ever saved or if it's even possible for me to be saved or if God ever intended to save me. I read Scripture and I want to believe the promises are for me. I recite some over myself daily. It should be sinking in. It's not sinking in. I don't know what else to do. I am losing hope and the will to keep going. I would feel saved if God really saved me. I've never felt saved even though I want to be. If my efforts and intentions mean nothing and it's all up to God and I don't feel saved (because when people are saved, they feel saved), maybe I never was or was meant to be and I should just end my life and stop trying to convince myself otherwise. Maybe I should just listen to my gut and accept my fate. I'm heartbroken and I feel totally rejected by God because if He really wanted to, He could let me know for certain I am saved. He would know how important it is for me to know this but He doesn't so I must not be. I am looking for any type of sign or feeling anywhere to confirm my salvation but I get nothing. I can't look for ever and I'm about to give up. I mean that more than I've ever meant anything. I can't do another year of feeling like this. I am killing myself on September 6. My birthday. I promise.

Flossy
Flossy Archibeque
Dec 13, 2021

Prayer Request

May God richly bless all of you who pray for me. Most of the time I know that I'm only here still because people pray for me because the war in my mind is so bad there is no way I could still be here on my own strength. Right now, I'm really struggling again and I feel like maybe God never meant for me to be ok and that's why I haven't been fully healed yet. I want to stop asking for prayer because I feel stupid. I feel worthless for even being alive. I keep getting sick mentally or physically or both and I just wish I would die already because I'm worthless to even be alive when I'm sick. I want to just curl up and end my life and if it were ok with God, I would. I am so frustrated that I can't heal myself no matter how much I rest and or what I try to do to help myself. Everything takes too long and I literally can't keep up with life. I can't keep up with life so why do I keep waking up? I can't keep up and people are pulling me in all different directions you have to do this and that and you need to be here and there and I'm sick and all I want to do is rest but they'll have none of it. So if I can't rest and I can't get better because I need to rest for like a million years because I already rested and did nothing for two days and I don't feel any better so I don't understand why I don't just die then because obviously my body is taking too long trying to get better and is worthless because it won't hurry up and start acting right.