Its rough tight now. Quarantined, isolated, depressed, confused, tempted with relapse, and probably going to be alone for Christmas. Though I am determined not to give up. For all you guys suffering through the same my heart is with you and trust me I understand your pain. I pray the Good Lord provide us with the strength and provision to sustain through whatever this season brings.

The things that cause me to suffer aren't so tangible. Maybe I can do more about it. On the one hand I get the message the battle is the Lords I rest and he works, but also I think to myself that the suffering is of my lack of strength or control over my worries. I feel trapped in with nowhere to run to except the comfort of entertainment based distractions (tv) which is probably causing me to suffer more but it is all I can seem to do. My Bible is on my night stand but it seems to weigh ten thousand pounds. I get a little word hear and there from Furtick and various apps. Its so easy to be ashamed and beat myself up or is that just conviction that I am not doing enough? How to move forward? Right now all I can do is hold on it seems.