I have a friend that I love dearly and will always love no matter what. There will always be a special place in my heart for him that no one else can ever take place of. We had a huge falling out and after months of being apart non communicating we've somehow rekindled that love for each other but I'm still unsure if things will now be different as they progress sort of speak or will it just be more of the same. Something happened to me on our last outing together that makes me question this all over wondering if it was a good idea to stay in touch. We both were very excited to see each other and I felt great spending time with him just until his behavior changed...he was under the influence of alcohol. He has a close relationship with liquor and it changes a part of him that at times if you don't understand him or say the right things can be hard to handle. He does say all the right things but then takes it back or becomes aggressively defensive when he doesn't hear what he wants or doesn't agrees with you. I feel as if he does this on purpose to push my buttons or to see what it will take to crack me sort of speak. He even mumbled that he always wondered what things would have been like if we would have been together or continued on. He randomly blurts out suddenly that he doesn't want to be a burden to me as if he feels unworthy of me. I know he needs to be taken care of through the good and the bad and I hate to step out of his life again because it's not the christian thing to do specially when someone like him needs it the most.
I promised myself that I will do all in my power this time around to maintain our communication open to at least be updated with each other current lives as we live them out because I have an enormous amount of genuine care for him and would hate him not being part of mines. When we were part I constantly cried and worried for him feeling guilty that I didn't stick around in his time of need but because I was hurt I never express my true feelings to him which made the separation that much hurtful as I decided to go my separate way and gracefully let him go. He confessed he also felt the same when we parted ways but didn't actually apologize for his actions. In his eyes he figured that I will always be a part of his life no matter what and I wouldn't place blame for his wrong doing because he was confident I was going to be there. The actions of a true friend is exactly that and I want to be that friend because I know he is hurting silently screaming inside. At that time it was to much to take on and it was the hardest thing I ever did so imaging my surprise when we crossed path again. I thank GOD for allowing us to at least see each other even if it was just for that last time yet we carried on a conversation as if nothing ever happened and no time had passed; we jumped right back into those feelings for each other. I don't want to step out and want to promise that no matter what happens between us I'll be there through thick and thin but I want to have enough strength to do so humbly as he gets through his worries, blame and guilt haunting him that he carries around like a sack of bricks. I want people to pray for us and to give me strength to see this through.