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Flossy
Flossy Archibeque
Oct 29, 2021

Prayer Request

I am grateful to all those who pray for me. I don't even know what I need to connect with people and be able to communicate properly but what other people have, is lacking in me. I can't connect to people emotionally and I've tried. I know it's partly to do with how I was raised. I'm trying to come out of an addiction and draw closer to God at the same time. Please pray God would have mercy on me and give me the grace to stop sinning so I can get closer to Him. I've tried to stop sinning on my own and for some reason, I can't. I think partly it's because being sober I've become aware of how disconnected from everyone I really am and how I can't relate even if I try. I feel like I don't belong in this world. I feel like I exist in a place where everyone else is able to connect. I don't want to go back into addiction to fill this pain. I'm emotionally messed up to the point that only God can fix me and I'm at the mercy of if He's willing to or not. Also, I don't know how to open up my heart because I had to shut it and guard myself at a young age or be destroyed. I don't know why I'm here when there is nothing adaptive about me. I can't afford not to hope in God but I've been praying to be delivered from whatever it is that's telling me I should just leave because it's not going to get better. I've tried to quiet that voice but when I look around me, that is my reality and it is getting harder and harder not to lose heart. I'm losing the last bit of hope I have. I've been holding on for decades and I'm starting to worry that this won't get better and in that case, I don't have it in me to do even ten more years of this.

Flossy
Flossy Archibeque
Oct 25, 2021

Prayer Request

Thankyou and God bless everyone who prays for me. I know without a doubt that that is why I'm still here today. I wish I could say my depression was cured but I still have it. I still struggle with suicidal thoughts. I won't act on them but part of me wonders why I got sober as I'm only getting fatter and nothing really has improved. My brother came over with his child and I'm reminded of all the things I'll never have and never be and what a disappointment I am to my parents because I didn't turn out normal and they raised us both the same so they're wondering why I'm the one that is messed up. I wish I was normal. I wish they would have accepted me as different and not made me feel bad about myself and have to figure it out on my own and emotionally try to raise myself and cover up my depression on my own growing up. I still can't form attachments or bond properly with people. I still can't even communicate what I need or want. I still lack basic skills to live independently if only because my parents made me feel so incompetent about everything and they would be hypercritical even if I made a little mistake, I stopped trying things because I didn't want to mess up. Well now I don't even know what I should know or where to begin. I'm overwhelmed with the thought of figuring this all out by myself and coming out of this addiction, it killed my motivation. I want to get better. I want to get away from my family who has made me to believe I can't be on my own. I'm starting to feel like they're holding me back and making me feel bad about myself. If that makes any sense? I need direction. I need courage. I need to speak up but I don't know what I should say or what I need. Please pray God would help me. Please pray God would help me to recieve His unconditional love for me and see myself the way He sees me. Please pray God would help me forgive and release all bitterness and resentment and anger about anyone who has hurt me in the past that I'm holding on to whether or not I'm aware of it. Please pray God would help me see the world in a more positive way and help me communicate with people properly and that He would give me the motivation to keep fighting and stay alive despite all my feelings telling me I should leave. Thankyou and God bless you all.

Flossy
Flossy Archibeque
Oct 25, 2021
T Commented on T AM's prayer request:

I'm sorry you feel that way. I feel that way many times too. I've had clinical depression for over 2 decades and no one really gets it. It is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. I know how terrible it is because I live there. All I can say is keep fighting. Just keep fighting. You're not alone. I know you've probably heard it before but there are people all over who feel the same way you do. I know that pain. I know people say that it's not permanent but for some of us, this feeling is. Don't give up! I believe in you! Keep getting in the Word! Keep asking for prayer no matter what people say! Not everyone will understand. People will think you're doing it for attention but I know you're not. You have children and they need their mom. Suicide is terrible for the survivors. Sometimes we're only put on this earth to live for other people. I have wanted to die for years now but I know it would destroy my mother because I have to hide how bad my depression is from her. God knows and sees your pain. Cry out to Him. Get mad at Him. Tell Him how you really feel. Just don't give up and don't stop talking to Him. It's cliche but it's true that God gave this to you because He knows you can handle it. I used to always think, well expect a little less of me, I'm not Jesus. But He wouldn't take my depression away. I pray He takes yours away because it really bothers me knowing anyone else feels the way I do all the time. Sometimes you have to switch up what you pray for. I wanted God to cure my depression and take it away. I still want that more than anything but since that wasn't being answered I've asked for the strength and motivation to keep going. I don't want to keep fighting but our lives aren't really our own. Maybe God gave you this to keep you close to Him. When things are going good for people, a lot of them forget about God or put Him to the side. This even happens with people who have been healed. God loves you so much that He wants to keep you close to Him and if you're like me, I have no choice BUT to lean on God. It's not fair and most people won't understand it and it's something that is invisible which makes it that much harder because there is nothing people can physically see that is wrong with you. You're a threat to satan and his kingdom or he wouldn't be putting this on you. Keep asking people for prayer. Don't worry about people who don't understand and what they say. Do whatever you have to to stay here. We need you. We need each other. I know you can do it. Hang in there. My heart goes out to you. I'll be praying for you. Don't give up. Don't let satan win. You're better than that. You're stronger than that. Go seek help from people. So what if people know your business, nobody's perfect. Nobody deserves to suffer in silence. Prove satan wrong. Your pride is not worth dying for. Now I'm giving myself advice. Really though, I love you. I'm praying for you.